Detaching is at the Root of Healing

I know I have healed from something critical when I feel compassionate detachment. I don’t know the precise way to describe that feeling but here’s my basic attempt. It feels like I want something (or someone) and I’m very clear why I want it and how it will make me feel when I get it. And then, with the same intensity that I got that deep level of clarity, I can also say (and actually mean it): “if it comes, it comes, and if not, there will be something better.”

Weird, right? Like, how in the world could you want something so bad and then in the next breath be all indifferent about it? It’s a paradox. 

“How do I detach?”  

That is one of the top three questions I get from my clients—whether we are coaching or doing energy work, it doesn’t matter; some version of this question always comes up. The answers to this question offer people healing so it’s worthy of our attention. 

One night over dinner my significant other, let’s call him J, and I realized there was a predictable process to undergo in order to detach from a person, place, thing or idea. He is also a certified coach and facilitator so you can imagine how our conversations go—constantly debriefing healing journeys.   

“Okay when that happened what was going through your mind that helped you get to that perspective?”

We. Are. Weirdos. 

Anyways, during one of these convos we uncovered a simple detachment process. I will share that with you and only mention J so you know I share credit with him.

Detachment Practice

Sidenote: Let’s not kid ourselves into thinking any kind of healing happens in a linear process. This shit is messy AF. I am presenting it as if it were a linear process for the sake of clarity and making it palatable to your brain. Don’t forget that besides your brain, your heart and body also need to make meaning of this. 

First, some pre-requisites to detaching; these need to be locked into place before moving forward with anything else. 

Pre-req #1: Clarity on what needs releasing.

Pre-req #2: Unwavering desire to detach.

Pre-req #3: Readiness to detach.

Process:

1-    Figure out where your ego is relation to what you want to release.

2-    Determine your current perspective on the matter.

3-    Name your core values at play and perhaps those that could be at play, but aren’t.

4-    Use those values to declare your truth. What do you stand for?

5-    (optional but highly recommended) Create a detachment ritual where you formally establish that the release has occurred. 

Follow the series b/c in the next blog we will dig into the pre-reqs more and then we will unpack each of the five steps in subsequent posts. 

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