How to Detach Pt. 1: the Pre-Reqs

Hopefully you caught the previous post and saw the overview of the process of detaching and how it came about.

Let’s make sure we have what we need to embark on this journey. The practice of detaching is a practice of creating and navigating change, on purpose. You are going to bring about a wave of change so we need specific conditions to be true. These may seem obvious to you but I, just like so many of my clients, have thought we were ready only to Homer Simpson our way back into the bushes.

Pre-req #1: Clarity on what needs releasing. Whether specific or general, you need to have an idea of what you actually want to release. Examples: the need to always be right, perfectionism, a toxic relationship, a limiting belief about yourself or others, your sugar cravings etc. You may have something identified. In fact, you may have more than one something identified, so for the sake of the exercise, only pick one and know you can replicate the process over and over. 

Pre-req #2: Unwavering desire to detach. You have to actually want to detach. I know you think you want to, but do you really? You need to have recognized that this attachment has run its course and the time has come for something different. You yearn for something different. This is an exercise of free will. You want a change b/c youwant it, not b/c someone else told you that you had to change something about yourself. While feedback from others could be helpful to heighten our self-awareness, you need to want it of yourself, for yourself. 

Pre-req #3: Readiness. You can want something and not be ready for it. In fact, this is part of the reason why we don’t get a lot of what we want. We think we are ready but we get in our own way and end up creating blockages. Self-sabotage anyone? A detachment process is essentially a change process. There may be a subset of people that find change exciting but most people, don’t like change. Your readiness is a reflection of your capacity to handle change. 

Ideal Readiness = CAPACITY (the conditions i.e. time, energy & resources) + WILL (the desire) + SKILL/PRACTICE (the competency)

Sometimes we don’t get a runway to “get ready.” We just need to be ready. In those cases we make it work by picking up the missing pieces as we go. Have you ever heard someone use the phrase “build the plane while flying it”? Yeah, that’s what we say when we aren’t actually ready but shit is hitting the fan so it’s go-time. In my experience, if we have some capacity and a lot of will, the rest usually falls into place. There is no such thing as “ideal readiness.”

Next up in the series: we unpack each of the five steps in the practice of detaching. 

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