How to Detach Pt. 2: Skill #1

In the last blog, we covered will and readiness as ‘pre-reqs,’ not much on skill. Skills on how to detach are typically picked up as we live our life but these are the ones we have found to produce reliable results. 

Quick recap of the full process:

1-    Figure out where your ego is relation to what you want to release.

2-    Determine your current perspective on the matter.

3-    Name your core values at play and perhaps those that could be at play, but aren’t.

4-    Use those values to declare your truth. What do you stand for?

5-    (optional but highly recommended) Create a detachment ritual where you formally establish that the release has occurred. 

Let’s dissect #1: Figure out where your ego is in relation to what you want to release.

Oh the ego. I don’t want to bash ego b/c its actually really helpful and serves a powerful purpose, but left unchecked, it can certainly run amok. And that is precisely what we want to look for. 

A low-lift way of exploring our ego is to use the metaphor of a car. As it pertains to what you want to release, would you say your ego is in the driver’s seat of the car? Passenger seat? Back seat? In the trunk? Or did it not catch this ride? Are there other’s in the same car? Are they rotating seats along the way? What kind of car are we talking here? 

Driver’s seat: calling all the shots, decides where we go, how long we stay, if we get to make any pit stops and even decides who else is allowed to join or not join. 

Passenger seat: helps with navigation and music selection, controls ac and heat may or may not ask for the opinions of others in the car.

Back seat: just grateful to be along for the ride, might make a request of the driver or passenger seat occupant but has no real expectations that those requests will be honored right away. If in a two-door, has to ask for permission to get out the car but let’s face it, even in a four-door, the driver controls the windows and locks. 

Trunk: stored for use ‘just in case.’ Just like a spare tire can be found in the trunk, this positioning is called upon on an as-needed basis. The only expectation is that it performs if needed. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if it had an opinion, it wouldn’t make it to anyone within the main part of the car. This positioning requires the extra step of being intentionally sought out.

Where is your ego in your current situation?

If it is in the driver’s seat, and mostly in that seat, we got an equilibrium problem. It’s getting too much airtime at the sacrifice of other inner resources. If it’s in the trunk and mostly in the trunk, is it okay? Is it still alive? Does it have enough oxygen?

Where it sits in this car depends on you and the situation at hand. In my experience, ego often gets that driver’s seat and even with the best of intentions, it ends up fully taking over. 

Follow the series b/c in the next blog we will dig into skill #2. 

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