How to Heal: Answering Your Healing Questions: overthinking, rest, needing a romantic partner
Here’s a few questions I’ve received recently.
There are many layers here, and my response would depend on the person and the particular circumstances, but here are some broad strokes.
I can’t stop overthinking, and meditating doesn’t work for me. What can I try to quiet my mind?
Meditating doesn’t necessarily mean “quieting the mind” for everyone. I wouldn’t prioritize ‘quieting the mind’ but rather bringing awareness to where thoughts go and then bringing your attention back to the present moment. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, the trajectory of the thoughts won’t be as long. Focus on the sounds your body makes as it takes deep intentional breaths to fill up your diaphragm, not just your lungs.
Stopping the overthinking might feel like a little bit of a ‘fool’s errand’ at the beginning, it might take a little time, but it will work. The trick to reducing overthinking is to get out of that air element of the mind and get more into the rest of your physical body through movement—stretching, walking, doing household chores, light-moderate exercise, and being out in nature. My little trick is to do things with your hands or anything that is tactile. Touching something with an interesting texture, manipulating something back and forth within your palms, coloring, painting, creating art, baking, cooking, fixing, or repairing something. Got young kids around you? Little kids haven’t been exposed to so much family and societal conditioning yet, so they are likely not overthinking. Take their lead and play! Legos, building blocks, train sets –your choice. Invite your inner child to play.
How do we lean into the rest and solitude to be more fortified by spring?
First, identify what rest means to you. Rest means different things to different people. One person’s rest can be another person’s escapist behavior. What does rest look and sound like to you? Then, understand the blockage to your rest. Do you feel guilty about not doing work? If any thoughts start with “I should…” there may be some guilt, shame, or unconscious conditioning present for you. Explore that.
Solitude tends to be an excellent route for deep introspection. I know this is a privilege and freedom that not everyone has, but if you do, spend some time on your own and notice if you feel like a friend to yourself. Take note that solitude is not the same thing as loneliness. Give yourself enough quiet time so you can hear your own inner wisdom.
Oh yeah, and play!
If I am not with a romantic partner I feel alone. How can I fix this?
When was the last time you were on your own and not partnered? Unless you are already in a committed, monogamous relationship, if you find you have spent most of your adult life with someone else, it's time to take a break from dating and get to know yourself. The notion of “this person completes me” is a fairy tale lie sold to us by a commercialized patriarchy. The goal was never to find ‘your other half’; it's always been to come into your wholeness and then, if still interested, come together with another whole person. A whole person doesn’t live a conditional life where certain things or people need to be in place so that then, and only then, they can be happy. They are happy in their own right, and anyone who happens to come into their life adds to that happiness.
Want me to address more of your questions? Send them my way via the contact form on my website or via my Instagram.
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